We will be returning home soon after quite a journey.
For one, I miss my students. Even though I actively blocked work off from the trip, such as not checking work emails, my students still creeped into my mind from time to time. I wonder how they're doing, and not just in math. I also hear myself think that there's so much I want to teach in a class, other than the math part. How that will exactly happen is still a mystery. Genuine classroom moments require that I be healthy mentally/physically/emotionally, and that might mean taking it easy for the remainder of this school year. That's okay. I hope that even when I'm low, I'm still giving something while I'm at work. I must and want to take care of myself, so that I can be open and available whenever someone wants to reach out.
Second, I miss all the little comforts of home. Our queen-size bed, delicious Italian coffee, my piano, and my books, and the occasional meeting with a friend for example. Small things that make a place "home"..
As ready as I am, I am also not prepared to return. I fear the family game is not over yet, even though I want it to end. I'm preparing ways to block myself off if needed, even if the reasons I come up with are not the entire truth. I'm preparing ways to buy some more time, until I can safely walk away.
The readiness outweighs the fear however. I know there is a lot of love around me, and knowing that is enough to keep me standing tall and moving my feet slowly forward.
Surprisingly to me, I'm (mostly) ready to come home.
For one, I miss my students. Even though I actively blocked work off from the trip, such as not checking work emails, my students still creeped into my mind from time to time. I wonder how they're doing, and not just in math. I also hear myself think that there's so much I want to teach in a class, other than the math part. How that will exactly happen is still a mystery. Genuine classroom moments require that I be healthy mentally/physically/emotionally, and that might mean taking it easy for the remainder of this school year. That's okay. I hope that even when I'm low, I'm still giving something while I'm at work. I must and want to take care of myself, so that I can be open and available whenever someone wants to reach out.
Second, I miss all the little comforts of home. Our queen-size bed, delicious Italian coffee, my piano, and my books, and the occasional meeting with a friend for example. Small things that make a place "home"..
As ready as I am, I am also not prepared to return. I fear the family game is not over yet, even though I want it to end. I'm preparing ways to block myself off if needed, even if the reasons I come up with are not the entire truth. I'm preparing ways to buy some more time, until I can safely walk away.
The readiness outweighs the fear however. I know there is a lot of love around me, and knowing that is enough to keep me standing tall and moving my feet slowly forward.
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